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A Letter From a Dying Compulsive Gambler

"... I needed more help than I was willing to admit. Now the need to gamble has possessed me and I have run out of resources. I am about to end my life, the only remaining dignity I have left. . .I was one of the unfortunate ones who didn’t reach bottom YET! It gets worse, even after clean time when you go back out. The part of me that understands what I do gets weaker. . .Many hands have reached out to me and I have refused them all. That is the worst part of this disease, the loneliness. I never thought it could be this bad. I feel totally alone and worthless. . .I apologize for having no positive message to share with my fellow compulsive gambler. The only experience I can share now is the negative. . .I never knew how to get honest with myself. I told myself lies so I could continue on. I gained many people’s confidence, but never my own. If I could do it again, I would look for the humility I needed to come clean and open up to others with my pain. That pain is too much now, I can no longer bear it. Try the other road.”

August 6, 1995

Footnote: Jim's gambling led him to gamble away money entrusted to him by his
clients. He willed his life insurance benefits to those whose money he had taken.

From Connecticut Connections, October 1999